As the story goes now, Orville and Wilbur Wright were geniuses.
Unfortunately, that story is wrong.
Convinced of their genius and the rest of the world’s thievery, the two aviators spent nine years after their flight suing anyone they felt was a competitor (read: everyone).
The sad news for the Wrights and us: Their brilliance was wasted. And we missed out on a host of innovations had the two taken a much different approach to how they viewed their competitors’ attempts at flight.
What could the Wrights have done differently?
The answer lies in best practice from therapy.
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You just had the worst team meeting you feel like you’ve ever facilitated.
Several folks were obviously distracted, you got blank stares despite all the time you spent preparing thoughtful questions, and was that an eyeroll from a teammate you know you need to keep on your side?
Oof.
We’ve all been there.
And, if you’re like me, it’s easy after these moments to throw your hands up and say this leadership thing isn’t for you. Or worse, do what the Wrights did and start blaming everyone else.
You interpret the stinkbomb that was this meeting as a failure of leadership, and honestly, you’re pretty angry at your team, too. They know better about how to show up in an engaged way.
But what if you approached your analysis of this event with a strategy that helps you not only feel better about yourself but also more likely to improve?
Let me explain.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), founded by Professor Marsha Linehan, was initially designed to treat patients with personality disorders. Turns out, its tools are helpful for everyone.
In short, DBT aims to help us understand our reactions, our triggers, and how to intentionally make different choices about those reactions.
One of its most helpful tools? Separating facts from interpretation.
Let’s go back to the team meeting that bombed and use this tool to analyze what happened.
To start, let’s list the facts.
The meeting was at the end of the day on a Monday, the first day back from a three-day weekend.
You didn’t send out prework in advance because you didn’t want to give folks work over the weekend and first thing Monday morning.
Your time to plan the agenda was blown up by another urgent appointment.
One of your team member’s kids was ill all weekend.
The latest round of 360 reports were just released, and you know some members of your team received lower scores than they‘d hoped.
That list makes it more clear why the meeting went the way it did.
Now, let’s list some alternative interpretations for the meeting, focusing on the interpretations that would help you improve as a leader — the ones within your control.
Alternative interpretation: My team needs time to process what we’re talking about, and I sent out the agenda and prework late, which didn’t give them time to do so.
Potential action: I need to get agendas and prework out at least 48 hours in advance, and rebook time in my calendar to plan and send if my schedule is blown up.
Alternative interpretation: The folks who seemed disengaged were grappling with a lot before this meeting.
Potential action: I need to find time to check in with them before these meetings, based on what’s happening personally and professionally.
Alternative interpretation: The timing of these meetings doesn’t allow us to be our best selves.
Potential action: I should poll the team to see what time would work best for them to be their most fully engaged, and I should frame this ask by telling them why it matters to me that they’re engaged and take ownership over the poor choice of scheduling and lack of input I asked for about timing.
What started as a conclusion that left you as the team leader depressed has now turned into a concrete action plan that would lead to improvement for both you and your team.
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European planes soon bypassed the Wrights' invention, as they spent their time mired in patent lawsuits.
Their interpretation? Everyone's trying to steal from us. Instead, had they looked at the facts, they might have been more motivated to continue to create and invent.
Let’s learn a lesson from them in how to reflect when things don't go our way. Separate facts from interpretation and see how much it helps you improve. And feel better about yourself in the process.
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